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[06 Jul 2009|08:44pm] |
C H E C K L I S T
-Completed Application
-A substantial example of a 3rd person post.
-IJ journal set up with character info, pictures, and icons.
-An explanation of how you will enhance this RP if accepted.
-Send completed application to sons.of.cain@hotmail.com </td></tr>
A P P L I C A T I O N
Personal-
-Name: Amanda
-Age: 21
-AIM,. Y!M or MSN: AIM: lluviaphoenix
-Email: reality20062002@yahoo.com
-IJ Journal for the Character:
-Link to picture for character page (large, high quality please):
-What are you looking for in an RP?
I'm looking for a serious RP where I won't be shunned from the get go. I want to be able to advance my character in the game, and actually thread with a decent amount of players, and not always have to be the one to approach another player for the chance to do so. I want mature players that aren't afraid to explore ideas that differ from their own. Above all however I don't want to feel like the Mods are breathing down my neck about threading, or replying if I'm having slight difficulty with a reply. I absolutely hate to press a reply out of myself due to respect for my fellow players. I want to give a good response and not a forced one, sometimes this takes some time to think.
-What do you not like in an RP?
I hate deadness, and clicky players. I hate to feel like I'm intruding on a game because I'm new and don't know anyone. Mostly I hate putting a thread up and not getting a response, or asking someone to thread and getting negativity all of the time. I just hate being made to feel uncomforatable and unwanted.
Character Info-
-Full Name:
-Gender: Female
-Species: Human
-PB: Gemma Ward
-Character Age and DOB: 16; 2017
-Complete Character Description:
-Personality:
-Background:
-Weakness(es):
-Abilities Due to Species: None.
-Talents and Hobbies:
-Family and Friends:
-Hotel or Location of Character:
-How long has your character been in Vegas (or the hills or the compound, etc):
-Job/Duty/Position: Currently on the Slave market.
Extras- (not optional)
-Substantial Third-Person Sample Post:
-Explanation of how you would enhance this RPG: I'm a person who is open for just about anything in a RP so long as it fits my character. I'm going to bring into the game a flexibility and a willingness for plot advancement.
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[03 Jun 2008|02:19pm] |
I've told you-
I wilt in the light of no affection-
Great Lover of mine.
Great would-be Lover of mine
fore you never came to me.
I have nothing of you but words-
blasted words.
They shed no light
on affection.
Is this all I am to expect?
Will I be fiending after you,
for the rest of your days-
Like her-like them?
Or-
Do you only wish to share with me-
words?
They'll speak of passion-love letters unsent-
and an understood pain.
They'll be cunning-and full of unkept promises.
They'll keep alive what never was-
make it rain on paper-full of salt.
They'll say what we fear
to feel,
But only every once in a while-
when the pain
gets too much to ignore.
When promises become pleas
and nevers turn into grey maybes-
Then back to never once more.
And I'll wilt away-
a little flower-
lost in a desert-
of words.
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[01 Jun 2008|03:20pm] |
I've been thinking lately-
how many lines were for you?
How many about you?
Was I thinking about you
every time I put pen to paper?-
Was I writing
what I fear to feel?
You spoke of beauty-and longing-
Love letters unsent-
and promises.
Did I take it too seriously-
you said-I love you.
But I feel it-
the pain in my stomach-
Disappointment
and sorrow.
Do I want to be Sappho?
Do I need to be-
a Muse to a Druid God?
Maybe I should be called Prometheus
or Helen-
Because I'm no longer chasing unicorns.
No longer playing games with Faeries-
and afraid-
so afraid.
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[26 May 2008|12:03am] |
It's just good ol' life experience-
But when that life experience
is just the same old pain
in newer packaging-
it's time for that bleeding pen
to start a new stanza.
Even though you can't.
Maybe you're just-
addicted to the pain-
too afraid to feel
what you dain to write.
Roses are red-
but your feet are turning blue
because your landlord couldn't afford the heat bill.
Hoping for the once a month cycle
but that istn't even reliable anymore-
just good enough
to scare you shitless-
oh no-baby on the way
knife to the pelvis-
just kidding.
There's that bleeding pen again.
Boohoo poor me-
one in a million-
but maybe this one has a mind.
A good mind?
Not likely-
Even brilliance is muddied by emotions-
punch in that time clock
and waste another chance to change the world
instead of bettering your own outcome-
Maybe you'll save that for your day off
or maybe you'll sit infront of a screen
and replace that pen with a keyboard.
Lieing to yourself-
telling yourself that old friends care-
because your new ones sure as hell don't.
There goes that bleeding pen again-
Oops-
just kidding.
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[25 May 2008|11:59pm] |
It's exhausting-
the boring day-to-day
push the clock-
and drown the sorrows.
I know what it means
to be the tattered-
broken in-
cracked-
and moth-eaten
coat on a stick
but for some reason
I fail to see-
how this could be poetic.
All you do is-
bleed your heart out
on a piece of paper-
to be ignored,
or told that your pain-
well it just isn't-
Good enough.
So you push the clock-
and drown the sorrows
because not good enough-
isn't good enough.
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[07 May 2008|03:14pm] |
It's painful-
to think of you-
One of those Seven Wonders.
Brittle-
Lost-
and Forgotten.
Nothing more
Than a man-
Glorified in my mind
into something unattainable-
untouched-
and twice as taken.
But still there
taking admiration=
giving cynicism
Byronic-
But forgotten-
Loved-
But unaware of how much.
Beautiful-
in all tattered perfection...
So write me a Sonnet
Druid God.
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[04 Mar 2008|11:56am] |
How am I supposed to just sit here-
Read as you talk about-
walking in the rain.
Not with me...
No...
With her.
Am I supposed to live my life away-
One bottle at a time-
As you live our lives in silence;
Pretending that I'm not here,
that I don't matter,
and that my pain doesn't affect you?
Better question..
Am I supposed to live?
I try..
Really I do.
To push it off,
act like it doesn't affect me..
but I'm still-
Crying myself to sleep at night
wishing that you'll come to bed,
hold me, and tell me that you're sorry.
But I wake every morning
to you asleep on the couch.
I go to work..
Because I have to..
have to pay for the cell phones-
rent-
your car insurance
(because we can't afford mine)
Have to work
So that you can sit online all day-
Talking to girls.
So you can ignore me
be angry for just a bit longer
that I wanted you to want me-
more than your friends.
So that you can lie to me
about where you're going
what you're doing
and who with.
So that you can-
in ever quoted words..
Treat me like shit...
"Why do you stand that?
I wouldn't-
Put your foot down."
But they don't know me...
Like I know me.
Maybe I feel it's better to be treated this way;
than to be treated no way at all...
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[02 Mar 2008|01:56pm] |
She turned the key and pushed the door to her appartment open. Once the door was closed she relocked it, and walked towards the table putting the keys in a basket by the door. She leaned forward, hands on either side of one of the chairs, and let her head hang down. She sighed. It was just another day right? No, not really. She turned her head to see her husband sitting on the couch, turning channels on the t.v. trying to find something good on Sunday television. He didn't acknowledge her precence, even though she knew that he had heard her come in. Even though she was in plain sight of him. He didn't care. This was what made today different. Or maybe it wasn't differnt. Maybe she was becoming used to his ill temperments.
Just because she was used to them, didn't mean they hurt her any less.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:07pm] |
In that Instant
You never notice
until it's too late
that you're burning
under the florescent lights-
listening to every word he says-
believing what he tells you-
hoping that he doesn't lie--
and then you find out
that he does...
Your world is changed--
in that instant-
the non existent telephone calls-
and untyped words-
of an e-mail
that he never even meant to send.
You can't make excuses
for him any longer-
He's too busy;
depression;
work to do...
You're forced to believe
that you aren't anything
was just-
something to boost his ego-
something to take up his time
(Second hour recess
from an otherwise
crushing reality).
Still though
there's that-
admiration-
that you can't get out of your head-
your soul.
And then
You need to tell him
that he'll find-
You wilt in the light
of no affection.
Work to do;
Too busy;
Depression.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:07pm] |
"An Unfinished Page"
Something catches my eye
and I smile--
It's just you--
on the dance floor--
Looking at me--
walking my way
I twist as you approach.
I let you grab me from behind--
ignite me--
Make me wild.
There's no turning back now
it seems--
Push the power button
walk away--
leave me waiting.
You smile--
it's a game--
to you a game.
Play with my heart--
My emotions--
My hormones
Then don't call--
leave me wanting
An unfinished page.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:06pm] |
"Confused, With My Head Ducked in Shameful Laughter"
Watching you,
The two of you,
I can’t help but want to be her.
It’s not that I want to replace her,
What you two have is truly unique—
I just want to have that bit of you.
I want you to joke with me—
Be able to know,
That when I go home—
You’ll be my companion—
Sing with me,
The way that you sing with her.
Be mine for those moments,
Only those moments.
Play the simple words,
Whisper to me—
Even to tell me,
"Darling, you’re doing it all wrong."
I don’t care.
Whisper.
It’s not that I’m in love with you,
I never have been,
Never will—
But I do love you—
And sometimes,
Sometimes—
I just want to be yours.
Smirk at my Musings,
I’m confused—
Not that I’m in love with you,
Never have been—
Never will.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:05pm] |
"What Keeps Me Alive"
What keeps me alive?
Besides the caffeine
And the solid knowledge
That you’re ripping
My heart out—
Magic-ing your love away.
You can take her—
All pretty petiteness—
Everything your friends love,
Everything you think you need.
Leave me—
Solitary,
The way you found me—
What keeps me alive now?
The caffeine,
Or the disdain in your eyes?
Leave me—
The way you found me—
Hurt,
Beaten,
Lovesick—
The way you found me.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:02pm] |
I'm smoking
a stolen cigarette
that I stole
from your bedside table
right before I walked out the door;
because let's face it-
you still aren't here.
I'm dealing with conflicting emotions-
turn the lock,
pull the door closed-
you still aren't here.
I want to see you-
want to try-
want to tell you
the pain that's somewhere
in my stomach.
but the nicotine buzz sets in
now I'm left
only with the pain in my chest
because I realize now-
you're not coming back-
let's face it-
you still aren't here.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:02pm] |
"The Contradiction"
You remind me of . . .
The beauty of the David--
So real
So hard
So clean.
Chiseled perfection--
of the soul.
You are my work of art.
There's no need to sculpt you,
Perfect you
or touch you up.
You are the contradiction.
I don't want/need to change you.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:01pm] |
"You Told Me it Would Be This Way . . .
I should have believed, should have believed your lies."
Was it different-
When you thought
every sculpted line
had a bit of you-
a bit of me?
Now-
When my mind is
muttled by others-
new situations-
new places-
new things-
do you find it's simply
not the same?
Is your mind muttled-
with jealousy-
heartbreak-
betrayal-
do you feel replaced?
Push me away
when you told me
that it would end-
Well now you're right-
it ended up this way . . .
Every sculpted line-
had a bit of you-
a bit of me . . .
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[29 Feb 2008|02:01pm] |
Pretty women encompass you—
Singing pretty songs,
Webbing for your eyes pretty words—
Your muses nine.
In your Isle of Inisfree—
In your mind—
The strength of Babylon.
Will you--sail away
In the Orinoco Flow—
Letting your troubles
Flow in the water beneath your feet
As you walk on its surface—
Being the Deity that you are—
Druid God.
The River Dance pulses
Setting the beat for your heart—
Beating—beating—
One with time.
May it be
That wherever you go
I will find you—
Even if it takes a thousand years.
For a Muse is nothing without her Poet—
A Kindred is nothing without that other soul—
I am nothing without you—
Druid God . . .
Singing—Writing
Your Muses nine.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:00pm] |
Everything that I was,
what used to hold such pride and glory
to everyone-to myself-
shines now with childish insight.
Pages upon pages of-
naivity.
Of foolish hopes, foolish dreams-
make-believe worlds
created by the inexperianced mind of a child.
Maybe it was just different then..
when the pen crossed the paper in a artistic way-
that to me now seems wasted-
Repetative forms of words
that even now hold no meaning to the soul of this poet.
I was writing a lie.
Trying to express feelings that I'd yet experienced-
and now I wish I never had.
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[29 Feb 2008|02:00pm] |
"There's no beauty in the breakdown"
What disappoints me the most about you
isn't who you were
but who you've become and now fail to be.
I loved you then
back when you wanted something out of life.
when you were trying to put worth to you name.
Even if your methods were immoral-at least you tried.
Now-you're different.
Let her make your decisions for you
what's acceptable to society-
must be right.
Even if it doesn't make you happy-
even if you have to be spiteful-
just to feel alive.
To feel anything, but sorrow and self doubt-
remorse-
regret-
Try not to slip into denial.
It's a little harder to escape it
the thought of who you've become.
Not a tattered coat upon a stick
becaus that's poetic-beauty in the tragey-
glory in the fall-
No-now you're just tired;
gave up on real love-
gave up on life.
What disappoints me the most-
is who you now fail to be.
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[29 Feb 2008|01:59pm] |
"Citadel"
"I'm-sitting on a citadel-
contemplating life-
making a point to waste
my time"
Waste my time-
contemplating that which I already know-
I've already felt-
that which I've already come to terms with.
Contemplating now-
the need for contemplation-
as I scribble in a notebook-
not the notes I should be taking:
Athens-ZaLeucus-and Draco-
but something more.
What is an educated mind to wonder?-
Everything-Anything-
because to know is to doubt.-
I know you.
Contemplating life.
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